Friday, 30 June 2017

Neil & Chris Find Themselves Surrounded By A Smorgasbord From Hell

Death By Mutant Pickles 

What the Hell Is All This Weirdness?
Death By Salted Licorice
Death By M&Ms
Death By Sunken Souffle
Death By Skittles
Death By Gummy Bears
Death By Bananas
Nevermind, Neil. Must Be Some Kind Of Food Porn.
Those M&M's look pretty good, though.

Monday, 26 June 2017

Donald Trump Wins The Race For the Presidency And the World Is Stunned & Traumatized

I don't understand how a billionaire reality showman can run a first world country like America, particularly since he can barely run his own life. Three wives, going broke twice and so incredibly shallow. Not to mention a billionaire who gives less to charity than any rich man or woman. But hey, you voted him in, so I guess you're stuck with him.

Now that the most ludicrous choice for an American President, has unleashed the overt racist faction on the world --a buffoon with more money than brains-----the truly bizarre (this has to be some colossal joke, right?) Donald Trump. Yes, this is a former reality show host with mega-bucks who was outed by The Smoking Gun (an online site for uncovering material that can be and often is bogus , fabricated or out and out false--remember that scandal with author James Frey, author of an autobiography, A Million Little Pieces and was found to have embellished some of the book's content and  had lied to his readers?) 


 This started an avalanche and Frey's reputation was ruined. Well, TSG went after Trump and appears not to give to any of it, or very little, to charity. I remembered an interview that was hosted by Diane Sawyer. This was years ago, when The Donald first appeared in the media following a People magazine's article with good old money banks that landed on the cover: "Donald Trump Is Too Darned Rich. all he had given to various needy causes was a skating rink for inner city kids in New York City. Big whoops there, Mr. President. "A Fool & His Money Are Soon Parted" But not for this cheapskate. 
He's at least in the top five.



The world reacts to the Trump victory 

This poor excuse for a leader is driving your 
already fractured country to rack and ruin . He seems to think he's back doing that reality show, "The Apprentice" that ran for more seasons than it deserved. Those who aren't familiar with this glorified game show, what it basically did was pit a group of hopeful contestants against one another in often strange activities like running a lemon-aid stand. Well, you get the idea. At the end of the show, they all gathered in a dark briefing room to see who got kicked out. The mantra was geared to make the contestants rabid: "Up to the suite or down to the street." Moving along. The Big Cheese had to fire one after they all made their proof that they will work with their "saviour". Fire one of the hopefuls. "Hey, Donald, you can't carry that mindset over to your Presidency: Firing the FBI and countless other government strongholds is NOT the way to lead a first world country, sir. You are swimming in shark-infested water and have shown both your fellow Americans and the world at large that you are so far from equipped to make the decisions that could get us all killed it's quite disturbing. Is there any way to go forward and impeach this inept reality show leader before he does something horrible?

Barack Obama was quoted the other day as saying "all the racist people in America voted for Donald Trump" and he's been proven to be right on the money. (pun intended)





Friday, 16 June 2017

Seinfeld & the Pet Shop Boys: Such A Winning Combination

Anyone familiar with the groundbreaking TV series that ran from 1989 to 1998 entitled "Seinfeld?"

It starred the incredible talents of Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David  and the proof that "a show about nothing" would actually fly. Obviously it surpassed everyone's expectations. The cast (Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, playing a woman named Elaine Benes ,Jason Alexander  as George Costanza and Michael Richards as the wild and crazy Cosmo Kramer.) Jerry Seinfeld portrayed himself, obviously. Without going on and on about how hopeless the four of these New York characters come across, I'll get right to the insanity:


One particular episode was about masturbation. The four of them decided to have a contest, the winner being the contestant who could hold out the longest from self-gratification. I was laughing my head off at the incident where George was home alone at his parents place (he was unemployed at the time) and picked up an issue of Glamour magazine and well.....not hard to figure out the answer to that.  What occurred next, when Mr. and Mrs. Costanza arrived home, his always-in-a-state-of-insanity mother Estelle, freaked out, fell and hurt her back. Jerry was incredulous: (Glamour?). George had the option of zipping up or catching his mother before she fell--it's not hard to guess the answer.

Estelle ended up in the hospital and when her still-red-faced son came to visit, she said that George was "treating his body like it was an amusement park." Funny stuff.

Now, getting straight to the point,  George, Elaine, Kramer and Jerry decided to give silly names to represent the aim of the contest.  Jerry quipped, how long could they be "Master of their domain."



 So, I know from Catholic friends of mine that you essentially have to  be masters of your domains until wed. That never made any sense to me. I'm glad that Neil rebelled and no longer felt any guilt about "doing it." And this Medieval practise is *still* going on. Unbelievable. I mean, that entire religion is  based on constant guilt-tripping. Get out of the dark ages for God's sake.
Not sure exactly what's eliciting such tremendous  dances of pure joy here, but it's probably something illegal.
Elaine shows off her (ahem) dancing skills at a staff party as she lets loose with  kicking and jerking thumbs, seemimgly convulsing. George, when he saw this "performance, exclaimed "Sweet fancy Moses" and later described it to a T. "It was like a full body dry heave set to music." 
George  gets a lesson in "double dipping" when he takes a potato chip, dunks it in the dip for a second time, thus getting his germs on everyone's mouth. "It's like you put your whole mouth in the dip.
Poor Elaine--she goes to congratulate Jerry when he wins a race and gets knocked aside when he embraces his girlfriend
A pissed off grocer kicks Kramer out of his store after he complaines about the produce. This bit could be used for kicking someone out of message boards.
One of Jerry's more annoying neibours, Jack Clompiss insists that Jerry take a new pen he had bought because it wrote upside down. The two of them argued back and forth numerous times until Jerry finally got the pen. Then, Jerry's mother, Helen Seinfeld admonishes him: "Why did you steal Jack's pen?" In other words, Jerry should have returned it to the guy.
A soup seller, who makes soups that make you weak in the knees because they tasted fantastic. The "Soup Nazi", a non-smiling, strict and was known for kicking people out of his restaurant. George ticks the guy off and is told "No soup for you!" A non-smiling staff member gives George his money back and seizes the bag containing the soup.
Ah yes, here's Baboo Bot, a recent immigrant to America with the longest and strangest finger ever. Jerry screwed him over twice: One time, he encouraged Baboo, who ran a Pakistan restaurent across from Jerry's window. He encouraged him to change his restaurant from selling Pakistani cuisine to good old American fare, but nobody came in and so Baboo told Jerry that he was "a very bad man." Then, sometime later, Jerry was going on a road trip and left Kramer, Elaine and George to make sure the mail was always picked up. Upon Jerry's return, he learned that the mail had just been set aside. Unfortunately, Baboo's immigrent papers had to be renewed within a certain period of time and the poor guy was shipped back to Pakistan.
Jerry is caught with what was thought to be a nose-picking session. The blonde woman who is horrified had met Jerry when they both flew first class and revealed that she was a model.  In actuality, he was just rubbing the side of his nose. When they deplaned, they had promised to get together, but she was above dating nose pickers and refused to see Jerry again. Don't you just love snobbish New Yorkers?
Elaine shows George how to drink with no hands.

Here we are with Kramer, who with his three friends, concocted that "contest" to see which one of them has the most restraint  and would therefore win the competition and be officially crowned "Master of his domain." ( remember that?)  Kramer had noticed a woman in the apartment across from Jerry was naked all the time. Needless to say, he was no longer in the running. Jerry demanded to pull her window shades down so he wouldn't be the next to cave.


Here we are with George, who talks about the one job he would really love to have and that's to be an architect.  He tells Jerry, "You know how much I like pretending to be an architect." Chris, you can likely see where this is going, although you actually were one--at least, had completed all your courses and even graduated.

I just loved this:  There were no subjects that the Seinfeld team of writers would steer away from and it's my opinion that it was this factor that catapulted the show, into the stratosphere. I believe, personally, that it was the daring storylines, the chemistry between Elaine, Jerry, George and Kramer---not to mention the litany of others (Newman the lazy postman, for example).

One show dealt with the subject of homosexuality.  Jerry, Elaine and George were in their favourite coffee shop and Elaine noticed that a young woman sitting behind them, listening to the chatter and decided to give her an earful. (paraphrased, because I can't remember the exact words.) "Just because you're homosexual it's no big deal. Just come out and be gay already." The nosy woman behind them turned out to be the film student who was to interview Jerry for the university paper. Without writing page after page, I will say that there was a quirky edge, as Jerry and fellow writer, Larry David, who with Seinfeld and Howard West created the series. Rarely the subjects were deemed too controversial. This issue is extremely significant and with lesser actors and writers, could have really produce a hot mess.
The catch words and phrases used on this show are legion.


 "Not that there's anything wrong with that" is one of my favourites. I don't have to explain what that means, particularly if you're fans of Seinfeld and the Pet Shop Boys.



*************************************************

Here we are with George, who talks about the one job he would really love to have and that's to be an architect.  He tells Jerry, "You know how much I like pretending to be an architect." Chris, you can likely see where this is going, although you actually were one--at least, had completed all your courses and even graduated.

Sunday, 11 June 2017

Suburban Wasteland: Original Poems & Haiku

A whole lot of damage going on.  Calm down, you guys. Are you showing off or hellbent on destroying your city.
A whole lot of pink going on. I don't know who decorated this hot mess of a restaurant, but I'm assuming there's some burning need for 1950's kitch. But we'll never  know the real story.

                                                                  
                                                                 
Here are some bored-to-the-teeth suburban kids, who are likely doing something shady. They give me a "Lord Of the Flies" vibe.
The eldest of the boys, went from being an upstanding school boy named Jack Merridew to a merciless savage with war paint
This scene from the film indicates that, even children can turn into wild savages when left with no adults. William Golding's prize-winning novel shows the disintegration of the thin veneer of society because he had done a lot of researching.

In suburbia, if all the adults vanished and left them to fend for themselves, what would it take for them to disintegrate into savages.  Just some speculation.

Tearing At the Seams 


Haunted one
Wearing a bodice full
Of sharp and angry buttons

They enclose you completely
Holding sweet mortal painm
Close to your swollen chest.

Struggling to free yourself
But the outer casing rips, tearing
A ragged hole where your heart should be.

Thrusting a tightened fist inside
The chasm widens, allowing all the lifes blood
You've been keeping, forever it seems 

Anorexia had stolen so many years from her
Healthy for a moment--then stung by a relapse.
Myah was tired, as her body crumbled for the last time

This awful disease takes no prisoners
It's an ugly monster preventing Myah
From living a normal and happy life

...One lonely afternoon, the 14-year-old had enough
The blade sliced her paper-thin skin with ease
And as she sat squarely in the womb-warm puddles


.........hoping and praying for an inevitable release.

Lonelyheroine 2017.



             



Pain Without An Antidote

Cowering and camouflaging come easily for you
I've felt your pain and did everything to avoid it.
Someday, the depression will lift and 
You'll be able to see that there's still a lot                          
Of hope and tranquility
To guide you into a wonderful world 

You've never been able to navigate before.                                                                                              
We are living in a time of  decay
Or did the Catholic Church
Deem that we're in the last days?
Will an avenging Appocalic's gaping
Maw chew humanity up 
And spit us out in abject repulsion.





More Haiku

All hope is now dashed
Apathy has settled in
No-one left to blame.                                    

                                                                                

 Suburbia, I've often been told                                                                         
It's a great place to raise your kids                                                                                           
At least that's what the warden told me."         

             

      The High Price Of Slow Exsanguinating                                        


Suburbanites are diving, like frenzied lemmings      
Into inground pools in each and every backyard
Aren't we truly in the "Land of plenty?"
We pretend  to be blissfully unaware 
Of the maggots swimming under our garbage cans."

Why? Because today, the Jones's came in second
Yes!! We FINALLY won first prize in the badminton finals!"
Backyard barbeques are mandatory, of course
Here's another trophy to mount on the wall.

God, I despise all of this shallow one upmanship 
That sullies every vacant Saturday and Sunday
As soon as I turn eighteen, my sentence 
Will be lifted and I'll be on parole.

So what does being "on parole" mean, you may ask?
It means that, no longer will I have to pretend to be happy.
I can finally ditch that saccharine smile I thought to be permanent.
I don't have to create an endorphin high from huffing petrol fumes.

I did my penance. Confessed to losing my virginity
And then lying that Susie Henderson hated every second of it.
I can escape the pink and blue blandness and uncomfortable chairs
Only after death frees me from this tepid suburban nightmare.

Lonelyheroine 2017.                                                                         



That which doesn't kill us                      

Will likely come around again                                 
To finish the job.



 The Torn Pillow

He winced, just as
Cold stiff fingers
Raked through his brain
Like a sharp trowel
  
Thoughts of steel  pierced
The soft, grey fullness                   
So that, before too long
They split apart completely

Allowing tiny wisps of down
To spray haphazardly
Littering furniture and floor
Of the boy's cold and empty room.

Lonelyheroine 2017                                             















If you must desecrate a bus shelter, at least use your imagination.
Ah yes. The old pitch the brick into a store window bit.
Pretty in pink. What looks like astroturf posing as  grassy yards. I think I had a doll house which was quite like this cartoon suburban hot mess.
A comfortable chair, a good book and a new television ----who could ask for anything more?
Somehow, a disgruntled defacer is announcing to everyone passing by that he's not too crazy about the man in the picture.